ok, so I'm tired and life is feeling heavy.... this week was better... but it's time for bed and I'm feeling I'm not feeling joy.
When I sense people in a depressed sort of state, I feel thier emotions. Then I don't know what to do with them. I empathize inside and they generally never even know. My friends here have been having it rough lately.
I want to dance like crazy, but I havn't given myself the freedom yet. I want to talk deeply with someone, but how? How do I talk to them when I don't even know how I feel myself? This week is going to be hard. Extra rehearsals and tests, a midterm, quizes and an evaluation.
Do I feel lonely? is that it? I had a lovely chat with mom today and talked til late with Kristen yesterday and that was really nice. I need a best friend. Well, I need anyways.... Tomorrow is sunday.... church and we're making lunch and dinner.... (different sets of we)
I need spiritual feeding... I think that's what it is. I went through church withdrawl last semester... I think it's hitting again. I go to church here, but it is nothing comparable to Grace.... Not anywhere close. I miss worship... worship here is talking about God, not talking to my beautiful one. I miss prophecy.... I miss hearing the words that God is telling his people. I miss walking into church and knowing people my age and kids and all grown up people. People who know me well and have known me for years. I don't get fellowship like that here. I have some good friends and we talk some and it can be really good, but it hasn't been fulfilling lately. I just need Jesus to satisfy me. That's all I need. It's not too hard... he's done it before and he does it all the time...
goodnight-- this is the day that the Lord has made.....
