satisfied

I'm happy.
I am at peace now... we prayed Monday night, and I have spent time with Jesus every day this week which has been wonderful.
We had the Broadway Review show this week. It was super fun. I have never performed broadway sort of stuff before, and it's super fun b/c the audience gets so into it. It is totally different. Also, I've been able to spend more time with my best buddies... yay.
This morning was the last class of my Tues/Thurs modern class, and Mrs. Wynne let us improv to worship music at the end. It was refreshing. I havn't done that since I was home visiting youth group at spring break. That is why I dance. Truly. Worship is one of the best things ever. Maybe it is the best thing ever. At least for us to do. Mrs. Wynne was crying at the end. I've never had a dance teacher who lets her students worship and gets so touched she cries.
I love some of the people here and I'll miss them this summer, but I'm also excited to go home and see you all. One disadvantage to going off to school. So basically, I wrote this post to say that I'm doing better.
:)

turmoil

So.... I'm about ready to come home. Two weeks left, hopefully of fun and fellowship.
right now I'm meloncholy. I think it's from the sermon I heard yesterday. It was good, but not really concluded. He talked about the things that shape us and had us remember the first time someone else's decision effected us negatively, the first time we realized the evil force in the world, and other questions like that. They basically brought to mind every huge struggle I have ever come across, and some are far from resolved. Those are the sort of things I don't dwell on because they mess up my emotions. I suppose I ignore them... I don't know. So then he made us think of the first time we knew someone unconditionally loved us, and the first time we were saved and stuff. These things aren't as big landmarks in my life. I don't remember firsts, they have always been. I was raised into all of these things and I don't remember when they transitioned from my parents beliefs to mine. I remember exactly when I first realized there was something wrong with my dad's body and that he wasn't stronger than anything else. I do remember when I realized my parents didn't really like eachother any more. I can feel the tension in my home last year. I can feel the uncomfortableness of being excluded at dance. I realized recently that it wasn't really them, but it was the fact that their child hood and my childhood had nothing in common. It is hard to be comfortable around people you have nothing in common with. Someone said last night that they hate hospitals. That made me think of the two bad experiences I have had with hospitals. One on a thanksgiving and one this year. All of these things are churning around right now and my best friends havn't gotten back to school yet. And one of them was just with his best friend who lost her mom and doesn't have a dad. I don't know how he's doing. So... the sermon was "good" but it definitely didn't make me focus on God and Easter. And I can't even dance normal b/c my nerve still makes it that I can't lift my right leg more than 45 degrees without pain and my back hurts.
but we'll have prayer tonight. We can't forget this week. It's important.
None of this is new though. I've delt with it all before. Obviously not permanently, but enough for awhile.
Jesus, give me peace please.