doing better

Ok, so now I'm feeling much better. Quite glad in fact. I went to a David Crowder Band concert on Wed, which was absolutely amazing. Then this morning I ate one of my roommates yogurts with chopsticks which is always fun, and we had a coffee day in Ballet this morning. A coffee day happens once a semester instead of class, and you all go and buy coffee and sit and drink it. yay. I have class in a tad bit, but I have started missing ppl so if you ever feel like calling me, please do. I love you all.....

heavily laden

I'm feeling down. My face is down b/c I'm tired, my mind is down b/c it doesn't know what to think.
I've had a lot lately of seeing the things that I want to do, then looking at where I am right now and not seeing any potential connection. I'm also quite ready to go home and see people that I have know for a long time. I want to have deep conversations without listening to the other person the whole time. Actually I only really had one friend at home that that had much chance of happening with often and I havn't really been her friend in a year and a half. There are people here that have potential, but the one person I could just go up to and say I'm feeling glum talks a lot. Well, I don't know.....
So this heavyness started yesterday and there was a slight release this afternoon. I had a good afternoon. The first good ballet class in the new building. Contact Improvisation... Always good.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give as the world gives. do not let your heart be hardened and do not be afraid.
John 14:27
It didn't work too well today. In chapel this morning I had the first Grace church like worship since I'd been here. I could have cried. I miss that so much. Walking into the back of church, giving hugs to three or four people and leaning back and pouring out your emotions to the God of the universe. I can do that here sometimes, but it's different with different music and different people. And I havn't danced during worship once. I miss it. We did have the most amazingly wonderful improv class ever last week though. That was possibly my all time best dancing experience.

God I'm perpelxed
I'm heavy inside
still but churning
I crave and desire
I need
NEED
i need to see your face
to feel your breath
to know your goodness
to have peace

where did it go?
so fleeting
here for so long
vanished
alone
looking around
pupose?
reason?

God?

i know i should sleep
i should rest myself
i need to do school
and laundry
and financial aid
and what about India?
do you want me there?
I would like to visit this summer

i need beauty
i need to feel the blanket of your love
i need people to come to me
encouraging
without my asking
Jesus here I am
in this state
of being laden
laden down
i invite you
be lord
be lover
be close

Hilarious

So... today we were supposed to have Form and Meaning at 11:00, which is basically art history. Me and David look at the syllabus and it says
EARLY MID-SEMESTER BREAK - NO CLASS
just like that too... So we're like, he didn't say anything last class, so lets go see if we have it today or not. Plus, our fall break was Monday and Tuesday and it's over now. We go over and Mr. Theisen's moving this dresser thing with a wheely thing in the carpentry art studio. David says he was wondering if we had class because the syllabus said it was break today. Mr. T was like hmmm... I don't know, "thats the first I remember hearing of it. let me see the syllabus." So I showed him the proper line on the proper page that said we had an extra hour of freedom. He agreed that it must be true and decided he must have forgotten and that he was being "facetious" when he said the break was early.
HAHAHAHA!!!
so now I'm blogging when normally class would be starting right now.
And I even get to take a shower and have lunch!
wow. Usually I don't get more than a 10 min break for lunch and that's the time I'm supposed to walk from one class to the other.

look, I posted

hi guys...
I like college. I loved fall break. and eating food and playing with twin babies and experiencing family life. I'm officially welcome in Philadelphia MS anytime with the Bensons. Sam even painted me a picture to hang on my wall. I had my family experience. I miss being around a full family. with kids and adults and everything. Right now I should be doing some form of school work. Reading or doing this stupid online tutorial thing, or reading something else. I'm brain dead. My brain has died and doesn't want to read, so I'm writing instead.
I enjoy it here so much, but I also find myslef missing different things about home. Mainly all of my friends. I went to the fair last week and it made me miss last fall when I went with a group of Grace kids and we all had a blast. The NC fair is way bigger than here and it has more things to do that don't cost money. This fair did have a circus thing though with Elephants and trapeize and the whole deal. That was cool.
The weather is turning heavenly. It's not 10.000 degrees outside and there is almost always a breeze, and this weekend you actually had to have a sweater or something or you would actually feel cold. That was thrilling.
Today after dinner I was in such a good mood that I wanted to go run somewhere, so I went off where there were no ppl behind Preston where there are trees and grass and started to run. THen I found the climbing tree and went up and called my mommie. That was lovely.
It was nice to come back from break and see all my friends and hear them say how they missed me and all even though it was only four days. That was my first time away from campus since I've been here. I'm going next weekend too. A group of dancers is going an hour away and we'll perform and do workshops and stuff. that will be cool.
I'm going to go off... I'm going to find Calvin and Rachel and Mimi and Caleb and we'll watch White Knights which is with Balanchine and I've never seen him dance eventhough he's only the most famous dancer ever practically. So that should be fun.