bedtime

I need sleep. Anyways, I'm going off in the early morning. Going off to Winston-Salem where I will dance and wear nice clothes and spend time with my lovely rich dancer friends. They're usually fun though. I'm dead tired at present though so I must be off to bed.
Last night Kristen spent the night and we had a marvelous time. We walked around south point, talked of course, and went and visited Alyssa at her coffee shop at the hospital where Kristen's mom works and we took pics of ourselves and various and sundry objects with Anna's phone. It was fun to see Alyssa. she didn't see me until about a minute after I was first in line and after Kristen said hello and she answered with some appropriate reply. I wanted to laugh my head off but I didn't. I'm sad that I won't see you all this weekend. That is very sad. Oh well now I really am going to my wonderful lovely welcoming bed. I miss it dearly. Adios.

Ack!!!

Ok, so today I start dance at 5 for rehersal and don't get off til 9. four whole hours and Ms. LeGere decides to skip the easy part of class (turns) and just jump a whole lot extra. I got my excercise for the millenium.
ok, well I was going to be the main girl in Alfredo's dance and do partnering with this questionably gay black boy who got hyper really easily and didn't come to practice much. But no. He decided to be a retard and get kicked out of the company and school so now I don't have the main role anymore. This was the best part I've ever had in my life and now Juli is going to dance it with me instead of James and we all do everything together and I don't have any solos at all. Stupid. You don't give someone a good role for the first time and then take it away.
Anyways now that I'm rather vented. The rest of dance was good except my point shoes are almost dead.
I actually had a good day today. Didn't feel depressed at all and basically enjoyed myself. I went to lunch at Chili's with Carrie Gwaltney and Mom and ate a ton of food. Oh such a great amount of good food.
I'm going to be constantly busy til lets see... next Monday afternoon. I'm not too excited about that.
I won't see all of my lovely ppl this weekend. tear. I'm going to Winston-Salem for a dance festival. I'll take 2 classes Sat, one sunday, go to one performance and be in a dance in one performance. Plus I'll feel overweight around all of those stick thin ppl who think they're fat and feel stupid b/c I don't have a clue about the music they listen to, the TV they watch, etc.
It will probably be good this year b/c I'm actually friends with the girls, but last year was not fun. Can we say rich selfish skinney girls? Oh, cute, rich, selfish, skinny girls.
It's not actually that bad I'm just not feeling like being all optimistic about it. Ack!
Who ever said it was supposed to snow tomorrow anyways? They obviously did not go outside all day long.
Ok, as you can all tell by now I'm tired and really need to go to bed. Really.

k, happy thoughts...

God saves us so... Let the saints rejoice in this honor and sing for joy on their beds. Ps. 149:5

little thought from my prayer time a few days ago.

chasm

Does music soothe your soul? does it make you feel comforted? Let you just breathe? It's like a mist. It slowely waters. slowely soaks in. refreshing.

Hurt.
deep... deep
heart reaching, feeling
not dead, but not whole
head twisted, churning, turning
looking, watching, wondering
Why?
why live when living hurts
why see when seeing blocks
things in your heart from things unseen
But
but there is life
there is healing
hurting has to end
it does right?
it must
How
how can life be so complicated
no one is alike
we all hurt the same
side by side
alone
Not always
there are friends
talk... talk
heart bonds; precious

there is shallow but also deep
depth so deep
so deep
but if I jump
into the deep
even if it is good
there is no return
the chasm does not allow for it
it

but its so dark
scared
what is happening
can't see
God?
"yes"
what you speak?
"i'm here"
but how
"i am the deep"
but I'm falling and its dark
"i'm here"
how
"i'm here"
but the dark; does it last
"light comes in the morning"
but I'm falling
"I will catch you"
but I'm falling so hard; so hard
"i'm here; by your side"
but then you're falling too
"but i'm big; i'm strong"
are you falling
"i have already fallen; oh so hard;
I'm waiting for you at the bottom"
really
"yes"
you can catch me
"yes"
but I don't want to let go
i'm scared
"but you're already falling"
oh
God?
"yes"
are you close
"oh so close"
ok

our blasted internet decided to miraculously reapear

The internet works!!!!!!!!!!!!
Glory, wonder, utter amazement and awe.
It lovingly crashed on Thursday and I have been having a great many fantisies of video taping me and possibly others hacking my computer to bits and then watching the tape over and over and over and over again.
Goodness.

Soooo........ the past few days have been very full. Full of friends, emotions, and yes, even God.
My life is insane. Insane I tell you. Besides the family being stressed, the house seeming to fall apart (including computer problems frequent enough that Will Gwaltney seriously believes that we have a curse on our computers), and everyone trying to figure out what to do with a very diseased family member, mom got heart palpitations or some such vague heart scariness and she's currently getting tests at the hospital. I know that nothing is serious. It just isn't, but its still scary and its still enough to freak out my entire family.
So if you feel like praying for me about now that'd be welcome.

On a lighter note, I had a lovely time at Jo's house today eating her food and getting sleepy while watching Indiana Jones for the first time ever with wonderful ppl. And I also got "ministered to" or whatever you want to call it tonight at the worship night.
Now I'm off to go bloggering. I've been hooked and I must go read blogs. Must go.

gallimaufrey

good days, good days. I love good days. i had a really good prayer time this morning and I'm conviced that is why I'm having a good day.
God is teaching me that our identities really do come from him and not how we dress or how much money we have or who we hang out with. I'm slowely, very slowely, beginning to listen.
its pretty nice.
And guess who got a 100 on her stupid "entrevista"? Oh yeah, Kim did. And the guys next to me got a 70 and a 59 respectively. They asked me how I did and I was like "well, I didn't fail." And on the writing thing gum i got 58 out of 60. Canton, the dude with the 59 didn't seem to pass that one either. Gloriousness.
And I'm still having a good day and its wonderful outside and if I can get all my work done in time I want to go read on the hammock. I havn't sat on it more than for 5 seconds.
Today I will be dancing from 4:45-9 though. We'll see if the happy-happy joy-joy lasts or not. hehe.
I'm reading That Hideous Strength by C.S. Lewis and he uses some of the coolest words ever.

The Warden Shovel surrounded the Wood with a wall "for the taking away of all profane and heathenish superstitions and the deterring of the vulgar sort from all wakes, may games, dancings, mummings, and baking of Morgan's bread, heretofore used about the fountain called in vanity Merlin's Well, and utterly to be renounced and abominatied as a gallimaufrey of papistry, gentilism, lewdness and dunisicall folly."

Anyways that doesn't make perfect sense but the word 'gallimaufrey' is just the best.

A day in the life of a Kim

Hola ppl, I need to go to bed but am I? no. I am telling you all about nothing in particular.
I love being able to stay at least slightly connected to my church buddies during the week. The internet is such an amazing thing.
Today was an OK day. Meaning not a good day but not a day that is 0 on a scale from 1-10. I worked in the office at dance today. I don't particularly like doing said work, but there are these two families that are really nice that come Tues. I think I have been feeding this one lady false info on accident though and I hope it doesn't end up badly. Today I basically stuffed envelopes. It hurts to fold that many papers. Folding paper shouldn't hurt.
Dance class was ick. I hate Ms Galdy's classes. They are all exactly the same and if you've had 2 of her classes a week for the past 2 or 3 years that is almost unbearable. Also Ashley practically had a melt down and every one at dance is currently depressed. Maybe not quite that bad, but no one is happy. Also my back aches. It doesn't quite hurt it just aches enough that it's quite uncomfortalble.
Today was a spiritually blah day. I hate those days. Oh well. its kinda part of the process.
Thursday I'm probably going to the movies and Friday is Leslie's and then it's weekend land.
I'm skipping dance on Friday. Oh how exciting. YES! This is so sad, but oh its nice.
I've decided that I dance b/c I've done it so long now it would be pointless to stop, b/c I do love it on occasion and b/c somehow I know that God made me to dance.
And with that I'm going to bed.

busy, busy, busy

Yep, I havn't posted in awhile... my weekend was crazy busy. Some of it was fun busy, but some was just too much. Friday I babysat, went to class, and then went to dance for 5 hours and then went strait to Ray and Jordan's B/day party which was just lovely. Saturday I was at dance for 6 hours and then went to youth group. Sunday I went to church and heard that black guy who got baptized's awesome testimony. It's not everyday that you see someone who was falsely accused of murder more than once and spent at least ten years in prison get baptized in your church. Pretty cool. Then I went to the Johnson's house in Cary and hung out with them and Rachel Mangum and went to Harvest's youth group. There youth group is miniscule. I mean SMALL. They meet in a basement and I knew half of the youth group with just knowing the Johnsons and Rachel. it was nice though.
It's weird... I've been hanging out with Rachel and Anna and Sarah since Collision b/c we got a prophecy that we were a group. They all know eachother, but I don't know them too much and they don't know me too much. But we're all good friends. I like prophecy.
Then this morning I studied for my Spanish entrevista which i guess is just talking in spanish and answering questions. It wasn't too hard. I was a real estate agent and talked about my two clients. Yup yup. Then I came home and have done the equivalent of nothing.
Feels good.

Saturday, Chung said God was singing Beautiful One over us. But we were singing it to him too. So me and God had a nice little duet to eachother on Sat night and it was a very interesting (in a good way) experience.
At Harvest youth group last night we all said who we thought God was. One person said I don't know. I think that's true sometimes. sometimes none of who God is seems to make sense and your so confused that you truly don't know who God is.
When I was thinking about it though the words Not Perfect popped into my head. I was like what in the world. God is perfect. I think that God is perfect, but he doesn't always seem so.
We have an idea of what "perfect" is in our heads even though no one can really comprehend perfect. So when God does something that doesn't fit in our "perfect" box we think God is mean or he messed up or doesn't know what he's doing. If I ever notice I'm thinking stuff like that I correct it and know its a lie, but we don't always think about what we think about if that makes any sense.
Another think I thought about last week was that there are countless numbers of gods out there. Jesus is the one True God. Satan and Buda and nice clothes and your hero can all be gods. Jesus is God.
Jesus is different b/c he is good. He cares about me more than I care about myself. He does not want me to change. He wants to change me. Other religions expect you to change yourself.

Right now in my life isn't easy. God is testing me and I believe that like Jerry said yesterday the promotion comes next. There are a billion things to think about right now. Who is God? Who am I? What do I do with all of the issues i'm just now discovering in my life?
These are good things to think about because if you truly ask God he will show you and he will change you if you let him. Change is not always happy, but with God it is always good.

Declaration of Natural Rights and Musings

I'll bet you didn't know there was such a thing. Well there is and I'm well on my way to having it memorized. It's altogether too long to memorize, but I'll do it by tomorrow. Why does one need to memorize such a Declaration anyways?
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these rights are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness, that to secure these rights governments are institued among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed..." That is less than half, but it's the less than half that I know really well.
To answer Jo, I'm not entirely sure why last week was bad. Part of it was that the ski retreat stirred up some stuff that I buried and I had to deal with it. Also everyone at dance is feeling depressed and I'm there quite a bit. I also just had a bad week. Hopefully the yesterday being a good day and today being fairly average to good will become a trend.
Although God decided that he could use us the most when we feel like crap so an occasional bad day can actually be good. It's just the bad seasons in life when you get to the point that you don't care if God's doing moving around on your insides, you just want to feel good. I don't know, life is complicated.
I finally turned in my application to go on the Japan trip today. It took awhile. My comp doesn't open word documents and dad's decided not to like the internet for awhile so I finally filled it out this afternoon sitting on the floor in my parents closet with the keyboard on my lap and the mouse and modem on the bathroom floor. That's life for ya.

How do you describe feelings? happy, sad, mad. But then there are those yearnings in your inside that push for out and the satisfied pleasure of really helping someone. peacefully relaxed, or any mixture of things.

Marvealavette

I dunno what that means, but it is a totally awesome word. I'm pretending to myself that it is something similar to marvelous in french terms. I woke up this morning and guess what? Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles I woke up happy. It still boggles my mind that such a thing is possible. The past week and a half have been some dirty word so waking up this morning was quite a shock. And let me tell you that I'm not a morning person so a normal days happiness does not happen until later in the day.
Last night I went driving with my lovely Leslie so that contributed. Today was a Spanish composition. I was so proud of myself, I wrote a page and a half in Spanish!!! Vaya! Truly amazing. My horrible teacher has actually taught me something. We'll see when it comes back whether the composition is really something to rejoice over or not though.
Have i mentioned I like my room? I like it. it's awesome if a bit on the small side. I need more pics of ppl though. AHHHG! My strong desire for a digital camera has resurfaced. Oh well.

bloggo numero uno

Hello People,
This is my all new, beautiful blog. Blog numero uno. I thing bloggo should be a word. Like the new Lego or something. Anyway, I'm goin with the flow and following the leader. Or leaders I must say. George, Jo, Fuller, Catherine, Alyssa all got blogs before me. Goodness.
I have wanted a blog since I saw my dear friend Claire's xanga site a few months ago. Being that all of the Grace ppl have bogspot though I chose that. We'll see if anyone reads this or not, but regardless, I plan on enjoying my blogging experience.
Now I my need for a digital camera increases so that I, even I, can put a pic of beautiful me on up in the corner where it belongs.
Ok, I'm tired. Time for bed.