Copelia

I'm tired. words don't explain it. I woke up this morning early enough that the moon was still shining bright. I usually wake up around 8 or 9. I'm tired even though I took an hour nap.
So today was my first day at Rana Capelli. There were barely any ppl b/c it just opened yesterday and not enough ppl know about it to stop by when the moon is still shining. It's nice there though. It's easy and low stress and nice ppl.

Ok, the ultimate decision. Do you ever get these decisions where neither one seems particularly pleasing and the need for a decision looms over your head and you just want to go cry in a corner or hit something really hard? being tired magnifies such decisions.
My month changing decision of the day was whether or not to dance in the Carolina Ballet's Copelia. After much much much inner turmoil and a bit of outer turmoil I said yes. Now I'm going somewhere tomorrow at 4:30. I don't know where or what shoes I need or if I'm an understudy or actually in the dance. I have no idea how many rehersals I will have or when or what days. I have a feeling it may over run my life, but then on the plus side...
1. I dance enough that I might as well get a new dancing experience and not be bored with the same teachers.
2. I get to dance with professional dancers
3. they actually asked me this time even if only b/c of desperation. usually they just ask most of my class to be in the production and leave me and this other girl out.
4. I will get to know Ash, Mariss, Claire and Giovanna and not feel an outsider.
5. I'm going out of my comfort zone. (in christian language)
6. did you notice I'm copying everyone else's blog in the world and integrating a list?
7. lalala I was so bored in class today I was singing along to the classical music in tongues.

enough list. so now my life is utterly full. I have dance, more dance, babysitting, durham tech, friday school, babysitting again, church, youth group, friends, email, blog, sleep, sleep (its so good it goes twice), and this weekend keith is coming home and our friends from Virginia are coming. We always visit them and I don't think they've visited us in years. So cool. they get to see my own room and probably come to church on sunday. ha. they might get a little freaked. we'll see. i don't know if I can go to youth group saturday though. thats sad. didn't go last week either. and won't go on the spring retreat b/c of Copelia probably. LIFE!!! Argggggggg.
I think I need to just pretend nothing is going on and I'm bored and just go to sleep.

Life,
full, empty, crazy
Gods near
never too much to bear
water comes right to the brim but never spills over

broken, hurt, pinching
see the horror, freeze
chaos, eternal frenzy
questions never ceasing
people close but not relating
turmoil, insides screaming

STOP
listen, peace
breathe.
whispers... hear them?
they are good.
listen

cartwheels, grass, playgrounds
talking, laughing, praying
sitting, breathing, blankets
eating. mmm... food
cozy, sleepy, cuddle
music, listen, hear it?

good night all. see some of you tomorrow.