Tuesday, March 8

God, why this knot inside?
why can someone say two words and I feel like crying?
why such a battle?
what are we fighting for again?
for souls? but I don't save souls.
the only one I've maybe saved was my little bro when he was three.
for you? but you're strong enough to stop the battle
against the devil. yes, but why?
why this struggle that seems hopeless and pointless?
why won't the end come?
but I've only just begun to live
days turn around so quickly
one second your happy and safe and the next you want to run thru the rain and to the other side
just run until it all goes away
why can this one I love so much hurt me so easily without ever wanting to
they want to help; to heal
only you can
and your words; walk in the light as He is in the light and you will have fellowship with one another
how am I ever supposed to do that?
or, we proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us.
does that mean that if we tell our little stories we'll have fellowship?
and what is fellowship anyways
and why, when some ppl share their stories, you just want to get away
is it me?
should I just deal with it? how?
I can't handle this
God. the oppression is here. where's the light?
"it's ok. it's ok. this is passing. I'm here. with you; beside you. I share your burdens; your many burdens.
be comforted my child. "
it hurts, and the hurt is so old and so deep.
its hurt so long Jesus. and I don't have hope for any end.
"I know how you feel. it happened to me too. I saw people die. so many people. many slowely.
I saw people suffer. every soul. I saw. I suffered and hurt for them. each soul. each precious body.
I see people with broken hearts and broken bodies that just get worse every day and so many die who never fought the battle. those who don't fight are lost.
But still I am. I died, but will never die again. I am God. that is enough. I will water your soul.
I can do as I please. and I please to bless my people. to free my people.
I know so many are torn; broken. but the rain is coming down. you can run. run with a smile on your face.
the war is won my child. if you seem to have lost this battle do not worry. Do not worry.
I am with the loser and I am the winner. you cannot both lose and win. I, who have won, live in you.
Victory resides in you. You can have confidence in this. I will never leave you nor forsake you.
I can never ignore you or give you up or lose you. You are mine."
and you are mine.
you are my God b/c i have chosen you. I was young and didn't know about other gods when I chose you.
Now I know of other Gods and I say you're the best. the only one with Victory. I'm glad you chose me to choose you. I wouldn't want any other god to ever live in my heart. Be mine Lord Jesus.

ok, I feel better now. much better. yesterday was kind of a bad day. I had a spanish midterm that didn't go as well as I'd hoped. I stayed at home a lot and then went to the Carolina Ballet rehersal and came back crying because I felt ignored and discouraged and not at all skinney enough to ever dance. But then Keith, mom and I went on a walk in the beautiful weather in the dark. That was good. then me and Keith met Leslie at southpoint and we had a most delightful time. I love my Leslie. So I woke up this morning and had a prayer time. the begining was just like reading stuff and trying to encourage myself without success. I was dreading going to Carolina Ballet again this afternoon. So I asked God what was the deal with Carolina B. and he told me. :)
There is spiritual oppression over that place. It's what Jesus said. Don't ask me why, but that made my whole day so much better. The thought of demons being where I knew they were and where I was going to be is pretty exciting. possibly a stupid thought, but it made my day better. So I went to the said C ballet and prayed on the car ride there. It went better for me. I didn't leave depressed or oppressed. I didn't notice anything weird, but I don't know how I would. Anyways, I went to Modern at Raleigh school of Ballet (RSB) and got absolutely bored and blah feeling then went home. There I had an upsetting occurence which is when I came up here and wrote this in my lovely room where I'm safe and alone. With Victory inside me of course. :)
So this day went from bad to good to bad to good. At least it's ending good. you all can pray for me. tomorrow I have dance from 3:30-9. only an hour is where I decided there's oppression stuff though. But I have to drive from Carolina Ballet to RSB without getting lost and hopefully in 15 minutes which I have no idea how to do. That will be interesting. But I don't have class tomorrow at Durham Tech, so I can laze around in the morning if I want to.
buh-bye

1 Comments:

Blogger Joanna said...

mm.. poetry is a WONDERFUL release when you've got a lot on your hands. sometimes sad that you've GOT a lot on your hands, but it means that you're alive and living and growing. keep it up, kim-dear :) i'll be praying.

March 9, 2005 at 4:20 PM  

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