Crap
How are you right now?
Me... I feel like crap.
weary wonderings
why?
oh my Jesus why?
whats the point?
God!
my life is so unpredictable
one day its happy happy, joy-joy
the next... well kinda like today
Well, this morning was fine
just fine
even the afternoon was fine
just fine
I feel like I'm being squeezed on all sides
but I don't know why
or how to get out
And mom told me today that i'm not alone
that that is a lie
but I still believe it
crap!
and that was not a poem so no one think it was.
tear
slipping, sliding
drop
there is so much inside
there was just no room
tears
crying out from the inside
creating space
less pressure
maybe
maybe not
life is short?
do some people have blessed lives
I do
but only spiritually blessed
rich
all emotions experienced fully
at least
it's not mundane
shallow and unsatisfying
could you imagine...
living without God?
I truly can't imagine.
its hard enough as it is
and you don't know if you should ask God to bless your unsaved friends b/c if they're blessed they might not cry out. not become so desperate that they look for help. Ok, this started out rather poemish, but no longer. poemish no longer.
Tonight after Katherine's Holland meeting we are going to Virginia to visit the Ritches. We'll come back Saturday. So i can still come to church to see my ppl. good thing.
Ya know what? I was supposed to mail my begging letters today. Did I? not even close. I still need stamps. I don't care though. I'm so stressed and confused that I'm just not going to til Monday. If we go in debt to the airline company because of me... oh well. dont' really care. Ha! No, dont' worry I'll send the stupid things. But I think I'll make my own less special cards than Fullers, b/c my comp is stupid and it won't work with them.
I'm going now. to find a book to read in the car. I'll probably just sleep though.
Please pray for me and my family right now. We're not having an easy go of it.
posted by Kim @ 5:22 PM
3 Comments:
praying... I love you... and loneliness is definitely a tool of the enemies. You are not alone. But we do need God more than we realize or even want to think about. There are achings of the heart that we want people to make all better, but ultimately they can only fill that ache for a moment… and learning, choosing to let, to ask God to fill it, should be easier… but it is rewarding. I promise and better than that, He promises.
Kim,
A wise person once told me... "remember our place in life is that we are nothing but crap... and God supplies the value." He works in us... both as crap and amidst our crap. Keep looking to Him... in times of confusion, lonliness, joy and the rapid trasitions among all those emotions... He's there.
Another thought... Jesus once put mud (what felt like crap) on a blind man's eyes. Once it was washed away... he saw Jesus for all He was. Not that you are blind... but God certainly has put you in some "crap" right now. Keep seeking Jesus... at somepoint the crap will be washed away, you will see clearly... and you will know Jesus in a way that will be real, victorious and enduring whenever other crap comes along in life.
You are a joy and priviledge to know... Tiffanee and I cheerish you very much.
Blessings,
Jeremy
Thanks folks
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